Relearning Gratitude

What I was told about gratitude

is to say 'thank you' for gifts

and graciousness, to be sure to

let others know how you appreciate

their time and effort and company.

What no one told me was how to

turn that gratefulness inward,

how to recognize what of mine

deserves that wonder & warmth--

not in impatience or bitterness

while waiting for somebody else

to notice my worth, but from me

in those quiet moments when I'm

feeling less than, when I

feel my thoughts slipping

toward darkness.

Such breadth and depth is

a blessing,

she told me:

this is not a price I must pay

to know happiness, something

to suffer through

in order to balance a scale,

my heart weighed back down

every time it is lifted up;

this is what it means to be

open:

a door inside me lets life in

indiscriminately, and I can't

close it to keep out sadness

without also locking out joy.

I must learn how to greet all

my guests with the same grace

and gratitude, to thank every

emotion for holding the door.

4/11/2014